funny short didactic story
A little bird was flying south for the Winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you’re in deep shit, it’s best to keep your mouth shut!
Smart Insult
“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend….if you have one” George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill; “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second……if there is one” Winston Churchill in response
My Plea
Description: A short story I wrote last year.
The truth is I really can’t control bladder. Sometimes I just really need to go. To my greatest misfortune that moment occurred right during a family road trip to Chicago. The sad thing was my predicament is entirely my fault. I guzzled an entire 22 ounces of Earl Grey Tea from my Thermos from boredom. My parents are completely preoccupied with driving directions. Which state are we in? Are we still in Indiana or have we reached Illinois? There is nothing ahead of us but open fields of corn, a road, and a cow. Maybe we drove the wrong way and now we are approaching Ohio. They were especially anxious to get there because they didn’t want to be late for a conference.
My three-year-old sister suggests, “Maybe we should ask the cow for directions.” She obviously believes in the wisdom of personified animal characters as depicted in her picture books.
My parents say, “Hush, child.” I personally think asking the cow is an excellent plan with only one fault: It won’t tell me the location of the nearest lavatory, sadly. I still really need to go. I see a bush. The most long awaited moment has finally come. This thought consumes my mind. Ergo, I burst out in song,
“I need to pee, pee, pee,
I drank too much tea, tea, tea,
I really need to pee,
I plea.
Pull over, please.”
“Annie, stop,” cries my mother.
I continue to sing, anyway. I realize that what I am doing is an excellent tactic to get my parents to listen to me. Little kids do it all the time. Annoy them until they listen to you. In order for this to work, I would need to be persistent. I can’t stop.
“OMG!
I drank too much tea.
Mommy, Daddy,
Can’t you see?
I really need to pee.
I plee.
Pull over, please.”
Somehow, I managed to rhyme “OMG” with “Daddy” and “pee”.
“Now I feel like I need to pee,” my little sister cries while awkwardly doing the potty dance in the car. My parents start feeling the same way. Mission accomplished.
